A few weeks ago my blog turned one! It was exciting to look back on the last year and see how many connections I’ve been able to make in this community. Although I don’t blog as much as I would like to or even as much as I planned to when I first started, I am SO happy I have this space. It’s where I come to look back on my words, thoughts and memories. Where I vent and let my emotions out freely without a worry of judgment. I love having this little corner in cyber space where I can share or not share anything I want!
I wanted to write this blog post to share why I started blogging and one thing I realized was that reason has changed so much in the last year. It’s become different little reasons along the way but in all transparency it has become a safe place for my sanity as well as my dark moments. I come here to work through thoughts and in the end of my sometimes dark moments, I end up feeling incredibly grateful for the life I get to live.
Let’s start by backing it up about 17 years to a very troubled and depressed teenager. I have been in and out of therapy for the past 16 years through some of my darkest moments. From an unhappy childhood to anxiety and depression and sometimes harmful thoughts, I seeked help in hopes that one day I’d come out on the other side. Something I realized during therapy was my inability to pinpoint what was making me unhappy. Because of this I was encouraged to write. Write letters to people who hurt me. Write my thoughts when I felt sad. Write when I felt happy. Write on good days and on bad. The result was what helped me work through my emotions and eventually get off antidepressants. I won’t go deeper on this subject right now but may in the future! But this is when I realized how important writing was for my mental health.
Fast forward to being 27 years old, a new mom, and moving to a different time zone away from all of my immediate family. Let’s just say I went through an emotional rollercoaster during my daughters first year of life for so many reasons. Penny was 2 months old when we moved to Arizona and after a few weeks, the excitement of finally moving away from my birthplace wore off and I found myself extremely unhappy.
I do believe all these changes threw me into a state of postpartum depressed but because I didn’t seek professional counseling, I can’t say for sure. Since I have history with depression I knew I needed to talk about what was going through my mind, not suffer in silence and not let my thoughts fester in the pit of my stomach. If I wanted to work through my emotions like I’ve had to in the past, I had to talk to someone. During this time I had a sense of gratitude for knowing exactly who I needed to talk to. My husband. And hand to heart, he’s the reason I am able to feel confident in sharing this. He listened and never dismissed any of my feelings no matter how outrageous they might have sounded to say out loud. He encouraged my writing and to see if it will help me pinpoint the root of my sadness. So I did.
A few months later we moved back to NY and things started to change. I started to find joy in other things separate from my family. I started cooking and learning about my body’s needs from nutrition to mental health. I started seeing my friends more and having “me” time. I started taking care of myself again and spending time with my husband, just the two of us. We found our intimacy again after having Penny. Our communication flourished and have been able to find our relationship separate from being parents.
I came face to face with my joys and my triggers. And honestly I feel like I will always have to work on my emotional triggers. I also realized how satisfied I felt when I wrote and connected to others. I didn’t want to only turn to it when I felt I was in a dark place. So I started my blog to share my experiences and my thoughts but also my passion for food and overall wellness. It truly makes me happy to express myself through my blog. Grammatical errors and run on sentences included! And just the possibility that my words and experiences can resonate or make one single person out there feel understood, makes my heart feel so full!
So that is why I started my blog my friends. For you, for me, for us! Through the last year it’s been my outlet for different reasons and I might not have a particular niche I write about but I’m okay with that. Being able to share little bits of everything makes me happy. Thank you so much for being here!
Happy one year, The Sunday Biscotti!